My mom died this year.....

I didn't feel much while she was dying actually, my close friends kept asking me if I was okay and I was kind of embarrassed that I didn't feel much of anything at the time of her death.  We had at least a year to really watch her deteriorate physically and that in itself was so saddening that I guess death was a welcome outcome to her misery/boredom/depression.

Even though you read this saying, everyone feels this way about their mom, well I'm sure most of you reading this may but I work with many people who don't have a nurturing mother and I have met some many adults in my lifetime that didn't either that I don't glorify my mom any more than she deserves I promise.  When I say she was perfect to me, I am basing it on my experiences with her through my lifetime.  She was perfect to me maybe because she was mellowed out, less stressed in her late 40's and 50's to where we really had a blast together.

I often asked my mom, "why in the hell am I in such a depressing job"?   She would never even hesitate and start by validating my feelings and instantly saying a positive/complimentary statement of encouragement.  She liked to say things like, "I know Laurie, but who else in this family could do what you do"? 

I talked to her like my soul-confidant.  She had such grace and wisdom about life.  (Listen I know she may have been slightly controlling and pushy to people in public) but she was very poised, loving and nurturing at home when she needed to be.  She called me the peace maker and I always had to live up to it. 

Of all my lessons I've learned from her, family, was her most important of them all.  She loved her family so much and so did daddy.  I never met two people so in love and two people so proud of their children, no matter what we did to shake up their lives.
I have taken my gifts from my parents and some of my faults from my older siblings, no doubt.  My work ethic is from my parents.  Good Lawd, I still don't rest to this day.

When I see a squirrel, I think of mama because towards the end, she enjoyed watching this squirrel run on the wires on front of her house.  When I see a Red Cardinal, I think of daddy, I guess because of his love of animals.  There is a Red Cardinal that comes near my window at work all the time.  I've been seeing lots of squirrels too.  I hope they are interceding for me and I hope to God they can't see everything that I'm doing.

To be continued..............I could write a book about growing up in Anna Mae's house........